Second Chances
by SINGACTWRITE123
Summary: Alex goes to help out at a hospital where he runs into Izzie. But the second he sees her he knows that the cancer is back.
1. Gone

**Dislaimer: DON'T OWN IT!**

_**BEEP!**_

"Charge to 250!"

_Shock!_

Her body bounced up when the paddles connected with it.

He watched in horror as the scene took place before him.

"No responce."

"Charge to 300!"

_Shock!_

Everyone held their breath, waiting for the monitor to change but the same sound stayed the same as it blast through the room.

"Charge to 350!"

_Shock!_

Once the room became silent except for the loud continuous beeping.

Dr. Merley let out a deep sigh as she placed down the paddles. "Time of death-

"No!" he growled, cutting her off.

"I'm very sorry," she sighed, trying to keep the tears from falling from her own eyes. "Time of death, 11:20."

"No!" he repeated, running forwards to try and do what he could, but arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him back.

"She's gone," Dr. Merley said. "She's gone, I'm so sorry."

His breath began to come short. He couldn't breathe/ The walls were closing in on him.

But she couldn't be gone!

Alex turned slowly and walked out of the room, his eyes dead. The teasr stopped falling as the he tried to make sence of the one word that kept repeating in his head.

_Gone._

As he walked out into the waiting room and continued for the front door, his mind could only think back to where this all started.

When he still had her.

**A/N: Don't kill me people! I put the tragedy at the beginning so you would know it was coming but there is a reason I did it.**

**Please review and I'll update.**


	2. That name

**Disclaimer: DON'T OWN IT!**

**6 months earlier...**

"Have you heard from Izzie lately?"

For second reason, that question pissed him, _really_ pissed him off. Those words were the kind that dug deep and clawed at him from the inside out. Of course it was odd that a simple sentence could cause his stomach to clench and his hands to turn into fists, and sure he was over analyzing all of this, but he couldn't stand to hear that name.

Ugh, that _name_!

It was like his heart was breaking all over again. But it was only for a minute. And he was strong. He didn't cry, he was a Karev. So emotions pushed themselves away on their own by habit now. So he let out a breath so quick and quiet that it didn't attract any attention and he answered the question.

"No," he muttered as he turned off the shower and reached for the towel that hung from the top of it, wrapping it around his waist. "Have you?" he offered back, stepping out of the shower.

He walked out to meet a strawberry blond who was brushing her teeth, but beside that was completely dressed and ready. "Uh uh," she gurgles through the toothpaste in her mouth. "Not for like three months. I should call her."

There was no privacy in this house. But Alex didn't care.

_A body is a body. We all have one. Nothing to hide,_ he would say.

"I mean, she's like our _close_ friend, right? At least that's what she said, but now we never even speak. I get that you two have issues but she was married to you, not me."

Meredith grabbed the mouthwash from inside the cabinet that was over the sink and began to rinse her mouth with it. Alex shook his hair out, causing water droplets to splatter all over the place. Meredith held her hands up to guard the water from splashing her face. She spit in the sink and then went right on with talking as if nothing happened.

"It'd be nice if she initiated one of the calls for once instead of me calling and getting like two words in. Even when we do talk, it's never anything interesting. I ask her how she is and she says 'fine, you?' and I say 'Great, great'. It's so awkward. She acts like we never used to sit around the house and talk about _everything_! I mean, we used to talk while bleaching our teeth! do you know how hard that is to do? but no, she doesn't appreciate any of that-

Alex threw his comb down onto the sink.

"Meredith!" Alex growled, cutting her off and slapping his hand over her mouth. "I need a break okay? I don't want to talk about... _her_! She left okay? Point blank. She took off and left and I'm over it. I'm sorry she never called you, but don't you have your girlfriends to talk about this with?"

Alex slowly took his hand off of Meredith's mouth and she answered in a calm, yet still annoyed tone.

"Well if she didn't leave, I'd talk to Izzie. Cristina's in surgery right now. Lexie is a little _busy_ with Mark. I can't talk to April, because she'll probably start crying. You're all I have."

Alex pressed his lips together and nodded gradually. "Well Mer, you can talk to me about anything but... you know. I'm here for ya, but I don't need reminders okay?"

"Okay," Meredith grumbled. "Well you should go get dressed. I'm gonna go find Derek."

Alex made a saluting gesture with his hand and passed by Meredith into the hallway. A door opened and April walked out of it in a sweater and faded jeans. "'Morning Alex," she said quietly.

He nodded in responses and kept on walking to his room.

_Maybe April. Maybe she's for me. Clearly Izzie wasn't the right one, but April seems committed. She _is_ still a virgin. Must be waiting for the right one._

Alex continued into his room and shut the door behind him, making sure it clicked before dropping the towel to the floor.

He pulled on a pair of boxers and then his jeans before pulling a shirt over his head. He looked in the mirror and forced a smile.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

"Dr. Karev!" a thick voice grabbed his attention from behind him.

"Yes Dr. Bailey?" Alex asked, already knowing who it was before he turned around.

"Dr. Robbins has been paging you for the past hour. Why haven't you been responding?"

"What do you mean? My pager hasn't... wait where is it?"

Alex felt around on his scrubs before he realized that he left his pager in his cubby. "Crap! What does Robbins need?"

"How in the hell should I know?" Bailey asked, shrugging her shoulders and walking right past him.

"Dr. B-

"She's in the pit!" Bailey called, knowing what Alex would say before even he did.

Alex groaned under his breath and ran towards the elevator.

* * *

The pit was flooded with patients that had bloodied wounds or oddly twisted bones. People didn't know how ot keep themselves together these days.

Arizona was in the far corner of the pit, holding a stethoscope to a young boys chest. "And breathe in," she said, the young boy obeying with a stuffy breath. "And out."

"Dr. Robbins!" Alex called.

Arizona barely flinched as she pivoted to look at Alex. "Dr. Karev, this is Sammy," she said cheerfully, forcing Alex to hold back rolling his eyes. "His asthma was acting up last night. He was having trouble breathing."

The child's worried mother had red eyes. "He was heaving," she whispered. "I didn't know what to do."

"Well he's in good hands with Dr. Robbins," Alex smiled.

Arizona giggled an 'it's true' and then pulled Alex to the side. "Where the hell have you been?" she demanded.

"I left my pager in my cubby. I'm so sorry," Alex started.

"You need to be more careful," Arizona squeaked, obviously not pleased.

But she quickly bounced back with a smile. Alex always wondered about how in the world she could do it.

"Anyways, I have a special mission to send you on."

"Mission?" Alex questioned.

"Yes sir. I need you to go fly down to Los Angeles Medical center and check out a patient for me-

"Woah, woah, woah! California?"

"Yeah, you can take the chopper. So anyway the patient-

"California? Right now?"

"Yes, I have a patient who I need you to check up on. He just had a kidney transplant and need someone to go check up on him."

"But why me?"

"Because I trust you the most. Just think of it as a mini vacation Karrev."

The glare was still in his eyes.

"I'll let you help me with a very experimental surgery?" she said it like a question.

Alex glared and muttered a "Fine."

Like he said, long day.

**A/N: So not much happened in this chapter, but something will happen in the next one. Review please!**


	3. Worst Nightmare

**Disclaimer: DON'T OWN IT!**

"California?" Meredith gasped. "Are you serious?"

Alex finishe dpacking everything- including his pager- into his bag and tossed it over his shoulder.

"Listen Mer, I would much rather stay here, but she's promising me an experimental surgery," he shrugged, heading out the door of the Resident locker room and into the hallway.

"Experimenting to see how much of her servant you are that is! You can't go to California!" Meredith called, chasing after him.

She picked up her pace to keep up with his long strides.

"Yes I can and I will. Look Mer, I don't know why you are so upset, but I don't mind going to California. She said I was her most reliable doctor."

"More like most available," Meredith muttered under her breath.

Alex stopped and rolled his eyes. Meredith almost walked right past him but froze when she realized he stopped walking.

"Come on Mer," Alex sighed. "Just give it a rest. Tell me what's really bugging you and then I will leave."

Meredith looked down at the ground and then slowly back up at Alex. "Izzie left. George is dead. I'm losing you guys one by one. I'm afraid that maybe you'll fall in love with California and not come back."

"Now what in the world would give you that idea?" Alex quuestioned, making a confused face.

"Because you're not happy. Ever since Izzie left, you haven't been the same. You're all dark and twisty again. You slept with my sister, tried to sleep with April. Screwed random nurses... just promise me you won't fall in love with California and leave us."

Alex let out a breath slowly and leaned back against the wall. He ran his finegrs through his hair. "I'm not going anywhere," he sighed. "I promise."

"Alright," Meredith whispered.

A nurse ran by with a crash cart and Meredith's pager started beeping. Alex put a hand on her shoulder and smiled before he turned and headed for the elevator that would bring him to the roof. He hit the button for the floor he needed stepped back. Right before the doors could shut, someone yelled, "Hold the doors!"

A hand flew in between the doors to the elevator and a cute nurse ran in. She had brown hair to her shoulders and freckles painting her face. The doors shut behind her as she hit the button for the floor she needed. "Sorry," she murmured.

Alex couldn't help but smirk. He turned on the 'Alex charm', leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms. "No problem. So where are you heading to?"

"The OR," the nurse responded.

"I take it that you're new here?" Alex offered, trying to make conversation.

"Yeah," New girl said. "My name is Kaitlin."

"Well Kaitlin, today must be your lucky day because-

He was cut off as the doors flew open and Kaitlin said, "That's my floor! I'll see you around."

She jumped out and was gone before he could say anything else. "Crap," Alex muttered.

When the doors opened the next time, he walked out onto the roof and spotted the chopper. "Here we go," he grumbled, and walked over to get onto the hellicopter.

* * *

"Room 2433," Alex whispered. "Where the hell is that?"

"Can I help you?" a woman asked from behind him.

Alex turned to see a doctor who must have been in her forties, but must have run into a lot of stress. There was heavy set wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. Her eyes were grey but shinig with life. She had light brown hair that was cut just to her shoulders, but was packed with hairproducts.

"Um yes, I'm looking for Kevin Joanes, room 2433, I believe," Alex explained, very unsure of himself.

"Ah yes, Dr. Karev!" the woman said. "I'm Jannet Merley. We've been expecting you."

_Isn't that exactly what they say in those alien movies? _Alex pondered.

"Follow me," Dr. Merley said cheerfully in her scratchy voice, and then took off down the hall.

Alex had to jog just to keep up with her. "Dr. Robinson told me she was sending her best doctor," Dr. Merley went on as they walked. "When she performed that amazing surgery on him she saved his life, but she was loaded up with patients and said that she would send someone reliable to come and check up on Kevin. He's been doing amazing. All the yellow has faded from his skin and the kidneys are working better than ever."

"Great," Alex said. "So I guess there isn't much to check up about."

"I think his parents just want to know for sure that he'll be okay."

Alex sighed deeply. "Here it is," Dr. Merley announced, motioning to a room.

Alex opened up the door to see a boy -nine years old- lying in bed, plaing with a gameboy, and his parents who were sitting next to the bed, talking with him.

"Helllo I'm Alex Karev," Alex greeted, earning the attention from everyone in the room. "I work for Dr. Robbins. I'm here to check up on Kevin," Alex said.

* * *

"Well he's looking great," Alex assured, putting his stethescope away.

"Thank God," Mrs. Joanes gasped out.

"Thank you so much," Mr. Joanes added. "Dr. RObbins is amazing."

"Yes she is," Alex agreed. "Anyways, I should be on my name."

"Thank you," Mrs. Joanes repeated and proceded to hug Alex.

Once Alex left the room, Dr. Merley snatched him to the side and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Did you say you were _Alex_ Karev?" she demanded.

"Um yes... why?"

"Do you by any chance know an Izzie Stevens?"

Alex's stomach twisted at that name. "Yes..." he answered, unsure. "Why do you ask?"

She had tears in her eyes. "Because she says your name in her sleep every night."

"I'm sorry... what?"

"Mayeb you should follow me," Dr. Merley whispered, grabbing Alex's hand and yanking him all the way down the hallway, all the way to the cancer ward, where is stomach dropped into his feet.

She stopped in front of a door and Alex peeked through the window, hesitantly, only to find his worst nightmare lying in the bed.

**Review please**


	4. You said what

**Disclaimer: Don't own it!**

"Iz-Izzie?" Alex stuttered, his mouth going dry and his stomach churning.

"Dr. Karev," Dr. Merley said softly, trying not to show the tears in her eyes.

Alex spun around. "But w-when... how I mean... Why didn't she call me?"

Dr. Merley cleared her throat. "Alex," she said softly. "She's not doing well."

It was all too much for Alex to take in at one time. He started shaking frantically. She left him, yes. But she wasn't supposed to get sick again. She was supposed to be happy and healthy and-

"Alex!" Dr. Merley gasped, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, it's okay."

"Okay? _Okay?_ It so not okay! She's sick again! She's sick!"

The pale woman in the room still had her hair, but it was thinning. She hadn't shaved it off this time. There were heavy bald spots on her head. Her skin was so sickeningly pale that it was nearly transluscent. She had lost so much weight that you could see the clear shape of her ribs. She was beautiful nonetheless.

Alex turned away and ran down the hallway towards the first bathroom he could find. He bolted into it and through the firststall in there and before he know it, he wa sleaning over the toilet bowl vomiting.

_This is all wrong_ he continued thinking over and over again.

When he was sure that his stomach was completly empty, he stood up and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm. He was in a haze as he walked back out of the bathroom, his mind focused on nothing else than the image of her sick face in his mind. If she hadn't been the love of his life, he never would have recognized her.

He really wasn't sure what to do next as he forced himself back towards her room._ I forced her away,_ he reminded herself. _I didn't want her. I should just check in on her and go home._

"Dr. Karev," Dr. Merley greeted when Alex reached her.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered. "I'm better now. Can I see her?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Dr. Merley breathed.

"Why?" Alex demanded, not able to control his emotions any longer.

Anger flaired in his eyes. She never called him. After everything, he didn't even get a simple call.

"Well there are a few reasons," Dr. merley replied sadly. "First of all... it'd be too much stress on her. She's barely holding on Alex. She's barely alive."

Alex swallowed down the fresh bile reising in his throat. "you said there were a few reasons," Alex croaked.

"Well yes," Dr. Merley replied uncomfortably. "Alex, I don't know how to tell you this but-

_Beeeeeep!_

Alex jumped at the sound, nearly switching into doctor mode before realizing who the beeping was coming from. "Code blue!" Dr. Merley shouted, rushing into the room.

Alex ignored his orders to stay back as he ran in after her. A crash cart was quickly pulled into the room and Dr. Merley took the paddles. "Charge to 200!" she shouted.

_Shock!_

Nothing happened except for her body bouncing into the air when the paddles met her bare chest.

"Charge to 250!"

"What's going on in here?" a voice sounded out from the doorway, one that Alex remembered from over a year ago. "Oh my goodness!"

There in the doorway stood Izzie's mom who had jsut dropped all the food she was holding onto the floor.

"Please," Alex whispered, grabbing Izzie's hand without thinking.

Dr. Merley held the paddles back so they wouldn't shock Alex as well and began shouting at him to back up. It was electricity flowed through him the second he touched her, and it wasn't from the paddles. It was stronger.

Suddenly the heart monitor indicating the starting of a heartbeat. Everybody sighed in relief while Alex just stared at her beautiful face. "Iz," he whispered.

"Alex?" Izzie's mom gasped. "What the heel is going on in here?"

A tear ran down Alex's face but he didn't turn around. His hand was still on Izzie's. She scrunched her face up once, letting everyone know that she was waking up.

"Iz," Alex repeated.

Izzie's eyes fluttered open at his voice. She blinked a couple of times and then met his eyes. "Alex?" she groaned. "Am I dead?" she asked in awe.

"No, why would you be..."

And then it hit him. That thing that Dr. Merley had started to tell him about. One of the reasons why they couldn't let him into the room. "Holy..." he trailed off, beyond himself. "Yuo told her I was dead?" he demanded.

**A/N: SO sorry for the long wait. I wrote alot of this chapter and then accidentally deleted it. I wanted to get htis up fast so I made it shorter. So sorry. Please please review.**


	5. Letters

**Disclaimer: DON'T OWN IT!**

"You told her I was dead?" Alex repeated, losing his cool fast.

"You mean..." Izzie trailed off, her lip quivering. Her voice was so hoarse. "You're not?"

"No! Well this explains why you didn't call me and tell me you were sick again," Alex snapped, turning back to Izzie's mother. "Why did you do it?"

"Because she had enough stress to handle without you! She wanted to call you and tell you but it only would have stressed her out."

Alex ran his hands over his face, trying to restart his thoughts. He took a deep breath and then turned back to Izzie who was now sobbing, and it looked painful. SHe must have not had much energy yet because every time she let out a cry she would shutter in pain. "C-can we h-have a m-moment al-lone?" Izzie stuttered out.

"No," her mother answered. "You need to rest. I can't let you do that."

"Mom I think you've done enough!" Izzie growled.

Robby shook her head. "Issabelle, you almost just died. As your mother, I think it's best that he goes.

"What caused the flat line anyway?" Alex demanded.

Dr. Merley shook her head. It's not the first time honey. It's been happening. Her body's so weak that it keeps shutting down.

Alex nodded slowly. "Iz-

She let a harsh cry when he called her that. "Iz, just get better okay?"

He patted her hand softly and then turned around to walk out of the room. "Alex no! Please don't go!"

Alex froze when she said that but then kept walking again. Right as he opened the door, a man was waiting on the other side, and they nearly collided.

"You're not her usual doctor," the man said, his eyebrows furowing, but he shook it off. "I just got the call. Is she okay?"

"Who are you?" Alex demanded, catching the man off-guard.

He had light brown hair and blue eyes. He had broad shoulders and a round face.

"I'm Jim," the man said slowly. "Her boyfriend. Who are you?"

Alex could barely answer. He turned to Izzie instead and saw how she had waisted so much energy crying that she fell into a deep sleep.

Alex bit his lip. Atleast she was happy. As much as he wanted to take his fist and shove it into this man's face, he made her happy."I'm um, I'm doctor Karev. She's fine."

"Wait! Karev? As in Alex Karev? Man, you shouldn't be here. She thinks you're-

"Dead?" Alex finished for him. "Yeah I know. And now, so does she."

"She had enough to deal with already!"

"How was I supposed to know she was in this hospital? It's not like anyone told me like they should have. I think I deserved to know!"

"Man, you told her to leave."

The anger was boiling inside of him. He wanted to hit this man so badly. But that would only be hurting Izzie.

"Yeah, after she left! It didn't mean I didn't care about her! Damn it!"

He slammed the door open and stomped out of the room. Izzie didn't even wake at the sound.

* * *

"Hello?"

"Mer?" Alex asked, his voice cracking.

It was pouring outside and his clothes were getting soaked through. But he didn't care.

The rain felt good. It made his body numb. Everything felt better that way.

"Alex? What's wrong?" Meredith asked, immidiately.

"Izzie is at this hospital," Alex choked out.

"Izzie?" Meredith gasped, and he could practically see the gossip section in he brain light up. "She's working in California?"

Alex choked on a sob. "No," he whispered.

"Then why is she..." He could almost hear her thoughts as they made a chain link back to what he really meant. "Oh no," she gasped.

"Yeah," Alex cried. "It sucks."

He was grippin gthe phone so tightly in his hand that his knuckled were wight.

"How bad is it?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Bad. She flat lined once and apparently it happens alot. And I found out that her mother and _boyfriend_ told her I was dead!"

As if missing the whole point of that sentence, she immidiately said, "Boyfriend?"

"Meredith, did you even hear me?"

"Yes! And that sucks! They're all idiots. Where are you now?"

"Outside. In the rain. About to come home."

"No! Stay! Don't let them control you! Did Izzie tell you to leave?"

"No she asked me to stay."

"Then stay you idiot!"

"Mer... what else could I do? I don't know what she's thinking. I don't know what to say to her."

"Well I'll talk to... never mind."

"You were going to say O'Malley, weren't you?"

Meredith heaved a sigh on the other line. "I wasn't thinking. Force of habit. He was the only one who she would really talk to." She was close to crying. "Should I come down there?"

Alex thought it over for a seoncd. "No... not yet. I'll see what I can do for her. But besides her, nobody wants me here."

"That's not true Alex," a voice said from behind him, taking him by surprise.

He jumped in shock, nearly dropping the phone out of his hand. It fell from his right, bounced off his left and then he caught it back in his right hand.

"Dr. Merley," Alex said slowly. He picked the phone up to his ear and said, "Mer, I'm gonna have to call you back."

He quickly hit the end button on the phone and then tucked it away in his pocket. Dr. Merley was shivering in the rain, holding her lab coat tightly around her. Water soaked her, dripping down her skin. Her styled hair had now melted down, clinging to her face.

"I over-heard your conversation," she said, guiltily, shivering against the harsh wind. She had to talk loudly to talk over it. "I think you should stay," she said finally. "Izzie always talk about you."

Alex wasn't sure what to say. His throat was so dry that he could barely speak. "Really?" he croaked.

"Well... mostly in her sleep." His hopes fell but only slightly. She was dreaming of him. "She's always saying how sorry she is and how much she wishes that you were... alive."

Alex clenched his teeth angrily at this. "I should have known. You shouldn't have lied to her. I pushed her away because I was scared and she was too... but I loved her!"

He froze, not realizing what he was saying. Dr. Merley was shaking even harder. "I never aproved of it," she said finally. "How they lied to her. They thought it was for the best, but Izzie would heal faster if she had better support. Jim is a kind man, but he's not you. If she had known that you were alive then she never would have stayed with him."

"How did they meet?" Alex asked, ignoring everything else that she was saying.

"He had a lump on his arm. They thought it was cancer, but when they took a closer look, it was just a cyst with cells that looked deformed in the same matter as cancer cells. He met Izzie in the cancer wing of the hospital and has been taking care of her ever since."

"Then she doesn't need me."

"No, she _does_," Dr. Merley insisted. "After she saw the shooting on the news... her mom lied and said that you had been one of the victims."

"I was!"

"You were?"

"Yes! But I made it out alive!" Alex explained. "She seemed to be doing just fine without me."

Dr. Merley shook her head. "She wants you to have this," she said, handing Alex a book that she had been holding under her lab coat so it would stay dry.

"What is this?"

"I don't know exactly, but she says it was meant for you. All I know was that some how she was planning on getting it back to you. I believe was going to have her mother burn it so the smoke would take it up to you."

A tear ran down Alex's cheek, but he couldn't bite back a smile. "That is so Izzie."

"Just take it with you. Read it. If you still feel like she doesn't need you, then stay away." She stepped forwards and placed the book in Alex's hand. "But if not... please return."

Alex nodded his head, feeling his heart clench. "I should get going."

Dr. Merley nodded towards the journal. "Keep that out of the rain," she said. "And take care of yourself Alex. Izzie's mom may not know it, but I can tell that you're a good man."

* * *

Alex was still damp inside of the chopper. He pulled out the journal lazily and opened it to the first page. The had writing was neat, but getting a bit sloppy, probably from being weak. There were dried tear drops all over the page.

_March 16, 2010_

_Deaar Alex,_

_Today they told me the news. It broke my heart._

_I'm such an idiot. If I never left then youcould still be alive right now. You could be here with me, trying to help me get better._

_But I screwed up big time. And now look at me. I feel so alone._

_I try to look at the bright side, but I see none. Atleast you are with George now, right? I think you always considered him a friend._

_I hope you two are okay. But Alex, to be honest, I considered to stop fighting this desease so I could be with you. But then I remembered... you don't want to see me anymore._

_Alex I am so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me._

_I am so stupid._

_I miss you so freaking much._

_I keep thinking about how much pain you must have been in durring the last moments of your life. _

_Who were you thinking about? It probably wasn't me, though I wish it was._

_I'm really sorry for everything, and I want you to know that I still love you._

_I love you so so so much._

_Always,_

_Izzie_

Alex was crying now too. He began to flip through the pages and his eyes widened.

She wrote him a letter every day for over a year.

And he was going to read them all.

**A/N: Sorry I took so lon gto update. Stupid writers block.**

**Please review for a super quick update, please!**


	6. Drunk Tears

****

Disclaimer: DON'T OWN IT!

_March 25, 2010_

_Dear Alex,_

_Today I started chemo. _

_And I forgot how much it SUCKS!_

_It burns like hell!_

_I was in the bathroom practically all day throwing up. _

_My mom brought me some soup to eat and I could barely even look at it without throwing up every last existing thing in my stomach._

_I was able to deal with it last time a bit better. And I finally understand why._

_You were there with me through it all. You held my hand. You held my hair when I was throwing up._

_Now where are you?_

_I honestly have no idea. _

_Are you in heaven?_

_I wish you could write back._

_Crap, I'm feeling sick again._

_Bye._

_-Izzie_

_March 27, 2010_

_Dear Alex,_

_I feel terrible! The doctors think the chemo is working._

_But this morning, I was rubbin gmy head and my hand came back covered in hair. _

_It's falling out so fast._

_I can't bear to shave it off, because I don't have someone constantly telling me that I am beuatiful with out without the hair._

_I really miss you._

_I keep tryin got pretend that yuoo will read these letters, but you're dead._

_I am SO sorry that I left you, but how the hell could you leave me like this?_

_How could you die?_

_I want you back! _

_I don't know what to do._

_Do I keep fighting?_

_I think I'm giving up._

_Always,_

_Izzie_

"No! You can't do that!" Alex said to the book. "Izzie no!"

His heart was breaking into two. His head was spinning. He just needed her in his arms to be okay. He needed to be there for her. But she had Jim now.

She didn't need him anymore.

Alex stood up from his bed, wearing a pear of sweatpants but no shirt. He looked in the mirror at his messy hair and his blood shot eyes and then quickly threw his face into his hands.

"Alex?" a voice said from outside his door. "Alex."

There was a low knocking sound. He stayed for a moment, debating on whether or not to open the door.

"Alex."

He walked over to it slowly, not caring how long it took him and then locked the door.

"Go away Meredith," Alex slurred out, drunk from having over seven beers. He turned and walked abck to the bed, picking up his beer bottle and taking a swig from it, only to find it empty.

"Alex! Open this door right now!"

Alex ignored her, dropping the beer bottle to the floor and opening the journal. He squinted at the words, watching them swirl and spin around the page.

Yep, he was drunk.

"Alex!"

Her voice was becoming an echo and everything in the room blurred out. He couldn't think straight.

He fell back onto his bed and into a deep- drunken indused- sleep.

* * *

Hangovers sucked. That's all Alex could think when his alarm awoke him in the morning. He sat straight up and felt his head spin and groaned in pain.

He had to swallow down the bile in his thraot and he wiped away the drool on his cheek.

He slowly forced himself up and out of bed. The walls tipped back and forth and he held his head tighter.

He tried to make his way to the bathroom to take a shower, but when he opened the door, something stopped him.

Meredith was sitting up againstt the wall with her eyes shut and he breathing deep and even.

"Meredith?" Alex groaned.

Meredith jerked awake and her eyes shot up to Alex. They widened slightly. "You look like crap," she croaked.

Alex noticed her red swollen eyes and iknew that she had been crying.

"Gee, thanks," Alex muttered sarcastically.

"Alex-

"Mer, I'm not in the mood. I am taking a shower and going to work."

"But Izzie-

"Doesn't need me!" Alex shouted, feeling his eyes sting and hating that they did.

Meredith jumped at the tone of his voice, shrinking away against the wall. Alex looked at her sadly and thatht's when he felt his stomach churn. He ran to the bathroom and emptied the contests of his stomach into the toilet. Soft footsteps padded up behind him and stopped, waiting for his permission to speak.

"Mer," he whispered, flushing the toilet. "You don't need to see me like this."

"It's your own damn fault that you look like this! You drank more than you could handel!"

"And you're one to speak? Ms. I'm sad so I need to drink away my troubles and sleep with the first man I find. Ms. It's okay if I sleep with O'Malley just to feel someone in bed-

Meredith's hand collided with his face and he fell back against the ground. "I deserved that," he admitted. "I'm still a bit drunk."

Meredith ignored him, pouting her lip and stomping out of the bathroom. He heard the phone ring downstairs, and moments later Meredith was on the phone, talking away.

"I'm such a freaking bastard!" Alex growled under his breath.

He got up off of the ground and stripped down before hopping into the shower. The hot water ran down his skin and he closed his eyes.

_"Alex!" _

Alex jumped as the door slammed into the wall. He opened the shower door and popped his head out, his heart racing. Meredith stood in the door way, her face twisted up in sadness. She held the phone in her hand.

"It's Izzie!"

**A/N: Crappy chapter, I know. Next one will be awesome! Please review!**


	7. Over Heard

**Disclaimer: DON'T OWN IT!**

**A/N: I am so so so so so SORRY! I was so busy and I had writers block and I really hope you all didn't lose interst in this story. But here's the chapter.**

"A coma?" Alex whispered. "That's not true. It can't be."

"It is," Dr. Merley said sadly, sitting next to Alex. "We don't know if she'll ever wake up. But I know she wants you here right now."

"She has her boyfriend. Why would she want me?" Alex muttered.

Dr. Merley touched his arm lightly. "Alex, honey did you even read the journal?"

Alex yanked his arm away. Then his eeys softened. "Some of it," he admitted. "But ti doesn't change anything. She left me. She doesn't care. Neither do I."

"Then why did you come back?" Dr. Merley asked, stopping Alex in his thoughts.

Alex felt the anger sweep up inside of him. He slammed his fist against the wall. "I..." he trailed off. "I don't know," he admitted, falling back into his chair and covering his face. "What the hell happened?"

"She was rushed into surgery when she blacked out and we found a brain bleed. We did our best to fix it, but... the surgery was very tricky Alex. I don't know if she's going to make it."

Alex practically jumped out of his chair. "I should go," he said.

"Alex... you couldn't stay away. I knew you wouldn't be able to. Just come and see her. Please."

Alex sighed slowly, staring at the floor. HIs eyes shut tightly as he rememebered something that Izzie had written in her journal that he read on the ride there.

_Dear Alex,_

_In between chemo trements this week, I had a dream. It went like this:_

_I was standing in Seattle Grace and George was there and so was Denny. They stood in a doorway with a bright white light shining behind them._

_I called both of their names but they didn't hear me. So I screamed louder and ran towards them, but they just grew farther away. _

_The elevator dinged and opened up and you stepped out. I called your name and you turned to me. I gave you the biggest smile I could manage but you returned it with a small shake of his head._

_"I'm sorry!" I screamed. "Alex please come back!"_

_I couldn't move my body at all. I just watched as you walked towards Denny and George. You turned once more toward me and glared. I begged for you to stay. But George and Denny each grabbed one of your shoulders and yanked him back into the light. _

_I screamed as the world around me spun and flew past me. The hospital changed to USC University Hospital and I was laying my hospital bed._

_A man sat in the chair next to me. He hid his face in his hands and sobbed. I grabbed his hand. "Jim," I said. "Why are you crying."_

_The man slowy answered in a voice that wasn't Jim's. "Because you ruined my life," he said. "You left me._

_He slowly looked up at me and I realized it was you. "Alex," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."_

Bam! _A gunshot blasted through the room and blood was suddenly dripping down your head from a wound right in between your eyes._

_I swallowed a scream. I had no voice left._

_Your eyes rolled back into your head and you dropped to the ground dead._

_I screamed and woke up to find Jim sitting next to me. I began to cry. When he asked me what was wrong, I simply said, "Nothing."_

_But it was something._

_Love, _

_Izzie_

Alex stared at Dr. Merley with eyes that were practically dead. "Okay," he forced out.

Dr. Merley let off a soft smile. "Follow me," she choked out.

Alex followed her back towards the hospital room where Izzie lay, looking ten times worse than the last time he saw her.

He slowly walked over to the bed and sat in the chair next to it. He took her hand in his and held it without thinking. It was a force of habbit.

"I'll give you a minute," Dr. Merley whispered and left.

Alex stroked Izzie's hand softly. "I miss you," he admitted. "Every day of my life. I pretend that you don't matter, but that's not true. I pretend that I don't care... but Meredith sees right through me."

He stroked the bandage on her head where her hair used to be. "I've been reading your letters to me," Alex said. "They're rather depressing. I guess you never moved on either, huh?" He continued to stroked her bandages, pale face. "Why didn't you ever call me?" Alex whispered. "Iz... before you were sick... if you misses me then why didn't you fight to win me back? You knew I loved you. You knew I was trying not to get hurt again. So why didn't you fight for me? You should have known that I would have never been able to resist you and I would have come right back to you. I would have ran at you with open arms. I would have been here with you through all of this. I would have never let you stop fighting to live. I would have been here every step of the way. Iz, I still love you."

He could have sworn he felt her finger twitch in his hand. "Iz?" he whispered. "Izzie can you hear me?"

"What the hell is going on in here?" a voice demanded.

Alex spun around. "Jim," he breathed. "I was just-

"Leaving," Izzie's mom cut in, entering the room. "Now."

Alex looked back and forth between them and then over to Izzie. He kissed her head softly and then stood to leave.

He left the building to get some air and try to hide his tears. A fist startled him as it collided with his face.

He spit out blood as his eyes slowly met the source of the fist. "Jim," he spluttered. "What the hell?"

"What were you doing kissing my girl?" Jim demanded.

"I was kissing her goodbye," Alex explained.

Jim punched him in the stomach before he could finish his sentence. "Bottom line is that you kissed her and she my girl!" Jim growled.

Alex was on his knees gasping for breath. Jim swung anothe punch towards Alex's eye.

Alex fell back against the ground.

"Stay away," Jim told him and then left.

Alex slowly stood up and wobbled into the hospital to the bathrrom where he washed the blood from his mouth and looked at his bruising eye.

He left the bathroom and passed Izzie's room on the way out of the building. Jim wasn't there, but Izzie was and her eyes were blinking around the room in confusion.

"Izzie!" Alex gasped out. "You're awake."

Izzie only looked concerned. "You're hurt," she croaked. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Jim," Alex said, still bewildered.

"I'll strangle him!" Izzie croaked out and then began coughing.

Alex ran over to her bed and sat on the side of it. Easy," he whispered. "You just woke up from a coma."

"A coma?" Izzie whispered.

Alex nodded. "Yes. Just relax. I'll get Dr. Merley."

Alex stood up and headed for the door. "Alex," Izzie forced out. He turned around. "I heard what you said."

**A/N: Once again I am so sorry. I will update soon. Please review.**


	8. AN

Hey guys! I am SO sorry that I haven't updated. I'm working on the next chapter so it will be up soon.

-Singactwrite123


	9. Yours

**Disclaimer: DON'T OWN IT!**

_"Alex," Izzie forced out. He turned around. "I heard what you said."_

Alex's eyes widened and he began to feel something strange twisting inside of him. He almost felt... nervous.

"H-heard what?" he stammered, acting as if he had no idea.

Izzie narrowed her eyes. "You _know_ what."

Alex just shook his head slowly. "No... I don't. Why don't I get Dr. Merley?"

He began to open the door. "Alex!" Izzie shouted, her voice raspy and tired. "You're doing it again."

Alex sighed heavily and opened the door, hearing Izzie gasp in anger. He stopped the first nurse who passed by the room.

She was short and slim and had bright red hair. "Page Dr. Merley," he told her. "Izzie's awake."

The nurses eyes widened. "Of course," she said quickly and ran off.

Alex entered the room again, refusing to make eye contact with Izzie who was glaring at him. "Alright," he sighed, dropping into the chair next to her bed. "I am will to talk about what you heard. But not now. Now you need to rest. No stress. Got it?"

Izzie pouted her lip in a childish way, the same way she always used to when she didn't get her way. So instead she took a deep breath and said, "So Jim hit you?"

"Izzie maybe we shouldn't talk abotu that either-

"He hit you," she went on, ignoring him. "Why'd he hit you?"

Alex looked away, studying the tiles in the floors, the paint on the wall, the lines of the window- anything but Izzie. "Because I sort of... kissed you... I kissed you goodbye."

Izzie's hand slowly inched towards Alex's. He could practically feel the moments ticking by before her hand landed on his and all of his troubles seemed to melt away.

But the moment ended all too soon when Dr. Merley rushed into the room, completely out of breath. "Izzie," she gasped,a smile on her face. "You're awake."

Izzie pulled her hand away from Alex's, resting it in her lap and sitting up a bit. "I guess I am," Izzie chuckled humorlessly. "You haven't happened to see Jim around here, have you?"

Dr. Merley frowned and stepped forwards, noticing Alex for the first time. "No. I'm afraid I haven't."

Izzie sighed deeply and rested back against the bed. "Good," she said.

Dr. Merley looked confused. She went over and proceeded to check out Izzie's stats. Alex watched her with heavy eyes, feeling everything in him ache from where Jim had hit him. "Well you're looking good," Dr. Merley said cheerfully. "That's good news. But we will have to run some more tests."

Izzie groaned. "No more tests. No more tests please."

Dr. Merley looked back and forth between Izzie and Alex and her eyes widened. "I'll give you two a few minutes," she said knowingly. "But only a few. And I'll keep watch for you-know-who."

Izzie giggled, for the first time full-heartedly. "Thank you Dr. Merley."

Dr. Merley nodded and scurried out of the room, silently shutting the door behind her. "I-

"You heard me," Alex cut Izzie off. "So what should we do about it?"

Izzi elooked down at her hands sadly. "I don't know. What do you want to do?"

Alex chuckled under his breath, cringing as his body ached. "What are you five?"

Izzie looked up at him, her gaze serious. Alex immediately changed his posture as well. "Izzie," he said softly, resting his hand on top of hers. "You have Jim now. You're happy-

"You read my diary; my notes to you," Izzie whispered, her tone dark. "Clearly I'm not happy. I just learned that you were alive. You can't just walk away from that. Alex please. Not again."

Alex was lost. He knew that he was wrong for Izzie. She was much better off without him. She was too good for him.

Tears flooded into his eyes and he quickle hid his face before Izzie could see, resting his head against their hands. "Alex," Izzie whispered, her voice hoarse and broken. She sounded exausted, like she had given up. "I don't want to beg," she said, chcoking on a sob. "But not so long ago, you told me that you were too good for the crap that I threw at you. And you are right. And so I guess I'm selfish for asking you for another chance. Especially when I'm dying and there is no point in falling in love with someone who won't be here for very long. Especially after everything I've put you through. And I thought I had no chance of ever being happy again." She paused, sucking in a deep breath. "Until now. Now, when I found out that you were alive. And then when I heard what you said, it had to be one of the best things that I have ever heard in my life. And I'm not asking you to take care of me or anything. I just want you here. Please. You make the pain go away. But if you say no then... that's it. I won't bother you anymore. It'll be over. For good."

Alex was shaking with cries and he looke dup from their tear-soaked hands. He leaned towards her and kissed her softly, pressing his lips to hers for the first time in what seemed like forever. There was that spark between them again. He could feel it pulsing through his veins. She was his again. And this time it would stay that way.

**A/N: I am so so so so sorry that I haven't been updating in like forever. And I'm sorry this chapter is so short. I'll do my best to keep updating.**

**I've been really in to this book I was reading lately. It's called _The Escape_ by Lindsay Luterman. It's totally worth reading. I would suggest it.**

**But anyways, I am so sorry for not updating. Please forgive me and let me know that you are still reading this story.**


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